At the same time, I don’t know how to do abstract contemporary work that explores my inner child, sloppiness, imperfection, etc. stuff like that. Maybe it’s  because I can be a perfectionist when I draw to the point that I don’t allow myself to make mistakes.  Or is it  because I already know what my left hand can do, so everything becomes predictable? I’m not sure.

For a long time I wasn’t sure how to grow creatively, even though I have become a professional designer, someone people trust in with his  ideas and skills. I’m always confident I can do better work than the person next to me. I have quite an  ego when it comes to design. 

Besides that I’ve explored dance, dove deep into it and spent countless hours taking classes and going to sessions, until I realized I could get the creative satisfaction from it anymore. I don’t like how people take it too lightly. I don’t like how the community discourages having an ego for dance, unless you’re in the Hollywood scene, which also has its own issues.

I spent a lot of time with the dance kids in my classes,  who I did appreciate but didn’t really feel that close to. I didn’t know anything about them. I called them friends but they weren’t really friends, I guess. So I stopped. 

I have almost completely stopped dancing for about a year now. Every now and then I still get an itch to dance but… to be honest I have no desire to get better at it. I’ve reached a level I’m satisfied with.