It Doesn't Feel Right(i)

A:

Four days ago, after jumping around and dancing at Skrillex's warehouse party at Pier 60 for about five hours, during which a small dance cypher circle gathered around us, we got a lyft that was coming all the way from the Mission, that we had to wait 20 minutes for. When I was about to get upset waiting in the cold, the car showed up, we got in it.

I immediately noticed the difference from this driver. At first, I thought he was driving the car on autopilot, since he was on his phone yet the car was moving smoothly and with precision of a robotaxi. I soon realized it's not a tesla, yet he was driving with one hand, barely looking. Wow, he's really good at muti-tasking, I thought.

"Where are you guys originally from?" He asked, with an accent. It's not that subtle that he's not from here though I couldn't tell where he was from, because #1, he's a lyft driver, #2, his English was fragmented, not super clear. I thought to myself: here we go, that question again. "Where do you think we are from?", I asked. "Diego is usually a hispanic name, so…I don't know? Are you hispanic? Or asian?" "It's not Diego, it's Daiga", Daiga responded.

"Oh asia? Japan?", he asked.
"Yes, Japanese.", Daiga answered.
"Oh you guys have very sophisticated culture, no?", that seemed to have sparked an interest.
"Only on the surface, a lot of things we have are not original to Japan. Don't know if it's really our culture, more like imitation of other cultures", Daiga answered.
"And the constitution is written by Americans, the stock exchange apparently I heard is not a real stock exchange", I added.
"What about you? Are you Japanese also?", he turned to me.
"No, I'm Chinese".
"Oh, Chinese! You guys are some of the most hardworking people in the world, no?"
"There are plenty more other people more hardworking than Chinese…. I'd say."
"But Shanghai is the second biggest city in the world, no? I want to move to Shanghai, do six months there, six months here."
"I'm not sure what you can do in Shanghai…"
"Tech?"
"There's not much tech in Shanghai, last time I was there at least, most of it was finance."
"Oh! How you say thank you in Chinese?"
"Xiexie".
"Xiexie", he repeated, "But China is a super power now, no?"
"Only on the surface, many people still below poverty."
"You are kidding!"
"No, also Chinese government is destroying Tibetan Buddism among other things."
"Of course when I talk about China, I mean the people, not the government. I do not like my government either." He paused, "I'm from Iran. The women's rights there is way worse than China, I guarantee you."
"Right.."
"Trust me, the government always deceives, it's the art of deceiving… same everywhere."

I consider this for a second. "I have a question for you: what's the biggest challenge / change for you in 2026?" I really wanted to know this. As the world becomes more and more chaotic, things moving forward faster and faster, though it doesn't affect me much, I've always lived relatively separately from the pace of the general masses, but I do notice, things are changing, in a irreversible way, charging forward at lightening speed.
"I'm doing Artificial Intelligence for my masters… and I'm going to become a dad!"
"Congrats!!!"
"Thank you thank you, I'm going to have two babies -"
"A pair of twins!"
"Yes, when you meet the right person, a marriage feels like a second birth. If it doesn't feel like a second birth, you are with the wrong person."
I take a minute to digest this, I thought I had wanted kids at some point in the future, but lately I'm not so sure: the pain, the post-delivery depression - I was depressed for a while, I really do not want to experience it again, even though having my own kids will mostly certainly be the most rewarding thing ever.
"Do you agree? Yes or no?"
"I agree." I decided. I do agree. However, does my marriage feel like a second birth? I'm not sure, to me, being born comes with a lot of pain, and its hella scary. Coming into this world is an overwhelming experience, sort of like constantly being on shrooms. Wait, I guess I did feel like that, huh.

By the end of the ride, we exchange linkedin, and said happy new years to each other. He said he'd start his own company, and go back to Iran when he's successful, sort of like Odysseus on his hero's journey, I thought. I wonder if after all the said is done, will he be the same person still? Will he be able to go back to hometown with an unchanged heart? Will he still be happy and appreciative, or will the journey change him, as you stare at the darkness, it stares you back. I'm not sure if he knows. But for now, that's what he looks forward to. We bid our farewells, and he showed me the book he's writing in Farsi, called the "The Art of Deceiving". "It's a great title", I said. I'm sure whatever he's writing will be very interesting to me, judging by his heart and spirit.

B:

The following day, I did about 10 grams of shrooms while driving around downtown SF, looking for Pier 9. I had never been to downtown SF on new years' eve for fireworks before, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Daiga said, should we drive or take BART? I must have been doing something, because I don't remember answering that question. Next I knew, I'm already in the car, going downtown on bay bridge.

(writing)