6/3/25

I will take this break to reflect on myself, and what I have been up to lately, or maybe since 2010. The green card process is going through, I’m just waiting for my work permit. I still can’t work, but I have to wait. I’m taking this waiting time to write, to reflect, to learn, to engage, to ask questions, to answer questions, to communicate, to be exposed, hurt, judged, attacked, but also to be heard, seen, supported, sympathized with.

People who don’t know me have opinions about me, but they don’t know me, so it’s not me that they have opinions of, it’s the person they think I am, that they do not like, because it’s sad, triggering, uncalled for, random, unpredictable, potentially harmful, hard to define. But that’s okay, confusion is quite daunting. I am confused too, and it’s very daunting. Everyday I ask myself, what exactly am I doing. The socially acceptable answer is that I’m waiting for my work permit, the real answer is, I’m procrastinating, but also doing field research, on certain social issues I was curious about, because I lately I’ve been reading different narratives of the same history, same time period, and they vary quite a bit. To get a full picture, I knew I had to do something a little bit more dramatic. I needed a bait. This is the bait, you are reading it.

All of these is for what I want to write about... just kidding, I’m not going to make movies about politics, I reserve my favorite art form for my favorite things, not the things I hate the most. People always say you are defined by what you hate, but what I hate change all the time, but what I love never changes... So I guess contrary to popular belief, I am defined by what I love, and that is the most tender, loving, intimate moments in my life, what I wish to be preserved forever, in eternity. I want people to see it, to resonate with it, to feel good during it, to feel good afterwards, to bring happiness and hope, and love. That’s I’m here about.

So now we will move on to the tender, loving, intimate section, I will only write in English, as I do not know how to do this part in Chinese, maybe I’m just too shy to do it in Chinese. It’d be too blatant.