Impulsiveness and being emotional—those are very negative words in my mind.My dad always said, “Your mom’s just emotional. She’s impulsive. Sharp tongue, soft heart.” I’m not sure if she really had a soft heart, but she definitely had a sharp tongue—not just any sharp tongue, more like a surgical scalpel. She’d slice you open lightly, stopping right at the fatal three inches. Over and over again. Again and again. I hated being controlled by that kind of fear. I started freezing myself. Later in college, I found out that’s called dissociation. Maybe that’s why my mom’s coworkers always said I seemed like an alien.
I don’t know if I’m an alien—but I definitely have emotions. A lot of them, actually. If I had to point to a turning point, it was during Creation of the Gods—I was overworked to the edge. To be honest, no one really forced me to do anything. The producers, the team leads (I never thought I’d live to hear someone call me “Ms. Sun”)—they were all kind and supportive, open to feedback. I wanted to try everything. But contrary to what I believed about myself, I wasn’t good at communication at all. Eventually, they had to pull me out from the set I wanted to be on the most and send me to the backstage office. But even so, seeing people come in every day to do facial expression scans (FACS, something like this: https://www.gentlegiantstudios.com/services/3d-scanning-services/vfx-head-and-facs-scanning/) and suit up for digital doubles (something like this—original supplier was Pixel Light, couldn’t find the site: https://www.digitalrealitylab.com/digital-doubles), I was still really happy.
I had no idea so many extras had such meticulously designed costumes—sometimes three changes a day—with dirt and wound effects applied to each. I’d never seen anything on this scale. Before this, I’d only worked on a small previs set for Coward Hero at Noitom. (A comedy starring… someone—I don’t remember. Guo Degang? Someone like that.) We did the full previsualization for the film. That was in a studio way outside the Fifth Ring in northern Beijing. It was summer, no AC in the warehouse, and I spent over a month there. I was constantly sabotaged by one of the assistants. Honestly, it was a chapter I never wanted to revisit. So being on a big set like this—it really blew me away.
Each actor and each category of character had different costume assistants managing continuity across scenes—making sure every outfit matched the exact frame we were shooting. And beyond that, the costume department (under Art) had, I’d guess, at least a hundred on-call tailors—ready to adjust costumes at any time based on script changes or emergencies. And they weren’t just “tailors”—they had real taste. They were craftspeople. Young, thoughtful, stylish, warm. Mostly in their 20s and 30s—around my age. They always listened to our needs carefully, confirmed everything seriously, and made sure we signed off properly to avoid mistakes. (That sign-off system wasn’t even my idea—thanks to the 3rd assistant director, Shinuo. Shinuo, if you’re reading this: sorry I deleted WeChat. If it’s possible, reach out again. Also—sorry I never finished reading the script you sent me. Is it too late now?)
I’m often stunned by how pure they are.
(Video link: https://www.bilibili.com/video/BV14P41187kv?p=4&spm_id_from=333.788.videopod.episodes — it’s mostly accurate. Also—did you see my name there? lol.)
