I asked my mom about the details of the Cultural Revolution. She said she didn’t want to talk about politics. She also said that if USCIS found out she was a Party member, she might get investigated. China has nearly a hundred million Party members—are they going to screen every single one? That must be a very long list. I seriously doubt it would get around to someone like her—a retired art teacher, who vents emotions on me all the time but is always kind to her students.

Still, she contributed something: she sent me a self-introduction I wrote when I was 15. I had been applying for a student exchange program and was required to write one. I don’t know why this version is in Chinese—I remember submitting it in English. Either way, reading it now made me laugh: I really haven’t changed at all.

Whether it’s good or bad to stay the same for sixteen years, I don’t know. What I do know is that I felt a little proud reading my own writing. Kid, you grew up. Sure, none of your problems are solved, but at least the world hasn’t changed you (lol)—even if the price was major depression, and knowing way too many things you never wanted to know. Someone come assassinate me—I’d take it as the highest compliment. But in reality, no one cares. I’m not that important. No need to panic.

Now, here’s the essay, word for word, untouched. The English name mentioned in it was one I gave myself, but in senior year of high school, my friends forced a new one on me: “Sunny.” Once the whole grade stopped calling me by the name I chose, I had no choice. “Sunny” has stuck ever since.

Also, I wasn’t even 16 yet. I liked to exaggerate my age—say I was a year older—because I hated always being younger than everyone else in my grade (lol). Starting school early meant that in my first year of college, I was still under 18… No one wanted to take me to a bar, and when they saw me, they didn’t know what to do with me.

People often say that the person you understand least is yourself. I think that’s fair. So I’ll try my best to write this self-introduction from an outsider’s point of view—objective and detached—as a way to expose as many of my flaws as possible. That way, if you ever meet me in real life, you won’t be disappointed by the difference.

My name is Sun Xiaoxin, English name Branna, 16 years old (or so I said), from Hunan, China, currently a second-year student at Yali High School in Changsha. The city I live in sits right around the belly of the rooster—southern China. It’s not coastal, it’s continental humid climate. Summers are dry and scorching—37, 38 degrees Celsius is nothing new. Winters are cold and damp—I literally slid my way to school during the ice storms a few years ago. The weather is terrible. But even in a place this small, our city ranks among the highest in national happiness surveys. The people here are optimistic and upbeat. Maybe it’s the feng shui. Maybe that’s what shaped my blunt personality.

I’m straightforward. I don’t like beating around the bush when I talk. So I hope my friends are the same—just say what you mean, it’s easier to get along that way. People who know me well say I’m kind of silly. That’s because I’m blindly optimistic by nature, always full of enthusiasm for life. I guess that’s a strength: I tend to see the good in things more easily than others. People who don’t know me say I’m quiet and reserved. That’s definitely a misunderstanding. I don’t talk much around strangers—that’s just how I am. I’m a two-sided personality. It takes me longer than most to really accept someone internally, even after I’ve met them. The getting-used-to-each-other phase is inevitable. But if we click, it can shorten that process a lot.

One thing I think sets me apart—maybe my biggest strength—is that I’m rational, opinionated, and good at perspective-taking. I feel like I’m relatively mature in how I think, especially in terms of seeing problems from multiple angles.

When I was five, I started learning electronic keyboard, dance, and calligraphy. Calligraphy only lasted a year, but I stuck with keyboard and dance until fourth grade—about five years. Because my mom teaches art at a university, I also took a year of painting in sixth grade. During the summer after eighth grade, I was watching anime and thought tennis looked cool, so I signed up and learned for two months. In high school, I did yoga for a while to stay in shape. Since middle school, I’ve been hiking regularly for exercise.

All in all, I’ve had a lot of hobbies—I’ve tried a bit of everything, but I’m not really good at anything. I’ve pretty much forgotten most of it by now. If I wanted to get back into any of it, I’d have to start from scratch. I’m still interested in all the things I mentioned—keyboard, dance, tennis, painting—but with the amount of homework I have, it’s impossible to keep up that many hobbies. Since I couldn’t pick just one, I decided to try a little of each.

Everyone says you shouldn’t spread yourself too thin, that it’s better to focus on one thing and go deep. But I think whether you become “good” at it doesn’t really matter. Trying lots of things is what makes life fun. Every new experience is a kind of reward. As long as I enjoyed it while I was doing it, and it brought me joy, I’d say I achieved my goal in having hobbies.

In my family, I guess my role is the backbone connecting my dad and my mom. I’m good at self-criticism, and also good at noticing other people’s flaws. In our household, my mom is the one being managed—she follows pretty much all of my dad’s instructions. When my dad does something wrong, she’s usually too embarrassed to say anything, so that job falls to me: I “educate” my dad. Through criticizing each other, the two of us… grow together.

When it comes to school, I actually work pretty hard. I kind of drifted through middle school—I didn’t really know what I was doing. But after I got into high school, one day a classmate said something that hit me like a slap in the face. From that day on, I went straight to the library every day after class and stayed until it closed at 10 p.m. After just one month of this “self-inflicted suffering,” my exam scores shot up and I ranked first in my class. As one of my classmates put it, “When she snaps, there’s no telling what kind of crazy things she’ll do.” I knew that was her way of complimenting me.

Among my friends, I’m usually the one leading things—I’m the organizer behind most group activities. I like participating in all kinds of events. At school, I joined the drama club, photography club, Roots & Shoots, and Green Style. I’m currently the editor-in-chief of the photography club’s magazine.

As for my future career, I’m not totally sure yet. Since I like numbers, I’m thinking of studying business or finance in college. I know finance is fiercely competitive, but I believe in hard work. If I put in the effort, I believe I’ll be able to make something of myself.

I used to hate doing homework. Now, I hate going to work. I guess I just hate being told what to do and what not to do. And in the end, even when I’m the one telling myself what to do, I still want to slack off. Ha. Here’s to you, 15-year-old me.

Thank you. Life is pretty good right now.