DATE
3/20/25
TIME
LOCATION
Oakland, CA
Who I am #17. 电影
filmmaking
DATE
3/20/25
TIME
LOCATION
Oakland, CA
Who I am #17. 电影
filmmaking
DATE
3/20/25
TIME
LOCATION
Oakland, CA
Who I am #17. 电影
filmmaking
电影对于我来说，到底是什么呢？我经常反复思考这个问题。它对我来说，大概是老天赏饭吃一样的存在。我是个脑力过剩、然而体力较低的孩子（正在尝试让体力强一点）。我对世界和信息比较敏感，我的大脑跑的也有些快、偶尔过长、时不时会烧坏脑子。我喜欢坐在家里大写特写、大看特看、大独特读。
从小被要求放学就在家待着的我，等待父母回家消磨时间的方式，就是看从隔壁省图书馆借来的各种纪录片、以及各种跟爸爸去电脑城买的电影。我很少接触家以外的世界，这种过度保护直接导致了我相当的晚熟。
但我还是很好奇外面的世界、外面的人，家里的人让我恐惧，但我还是想知道，为什么家里人会这样？有什么我可以做的吗？我可以想办法理解他们，他们是不是就不会生气了？我应该怎么跟他们沟通？当时的我显然觉得，看电影是很安全的了解世界和“外面的人们”的方式。这让我觉得很有趣。
6岁至12岁似乎是同龄人学会如何与其他人交往的年纪，也是大脑快速发展的时期。我的大脑发展了、我却没有和任何人交往，直到小学快毕业才慢慢开始和同学说话，但还是非常的慢热。比起现实生活中的人，我似乎更容易了解影像、电影里的人的表情、动机（他们通常非常自洽，而真实的人不会；直接导致我可以理解人物动机，却无法了解真实活人的动机）。以至于开始读初中之后，我甚至不知道应该跟同学说什么，我只好在食堂聊我看的《死神来了》系列的剧情。有趣的是，反响很好，大家听的津津有味。
What is film to me, really? I often ask myself this question over and over again. I guess, to me, it feels like a divine gift—a talent the heavens granted me. I’ve always been a child with an overactive mind but relatively low physical stamina (I’m currently trying to improve the latter). I’m sensitive to the world and to information. My brain runs a little fast, sometimes too long, and occasionally overheats. I love sitting at home, writing in large strokes, reading intensely, watching deeply, and diving uniquely into things.
Ever since I was little, I was told to stay home right after school and wait for my parents to come back. The way I killed time was by watching all kinds of documentaries borrowed from the provincial library next door, and all sorts of movies my dad and I bought at the computer mall. I rarely had contact with the world outside of home, and this overprotection directly led to a kind of emotional delay or late maturity.
But still, I was very curious about the outside world, and about people out there. The people at home made me afraid, but I still wanted to understand—why are they like this? Is there something I can do? If I try hard to understand them, would they stop being angry? How should I talk to them? Back then, I clearly felt that watching movies was a safe way to learn about the world and “people out there.” And I found that interesting.
Ages 6 to 12 seem to be the years when most kids learn how to interact with others, and it’s also a period of rapid brain development. My brain developed, but I didn’t interact with anyone. Not until I was almost done with elementary school did I slowly start talking to classmates, but even then, I was extremely slow to warm up. Compared to people in real life, I seemed to understand characters on screen better—their expressions, their motives (they’re usually internally consistent, while real people are not, which made it easy for me to understand fictional motives, but very hard to grasp those of actual humans).
So much so that when I entered middle school, I didn’t even know what I was supposed to say to classmates. So I talked about the plot of Final Destination in the cafeteria. Strangely enough, it was well-received—everyone listened with great interest.
What is film to me, really? I often ask myself this question over and over again. I guess, to me, it feels like a divine gift—a talent the heavens granted me. I’ve always been a child with an overactive mind but relatively low physical stamina (I’m currently trying to improve the latter). I’m sensitive to the world and to information. My brain runs a little fast, sometimes too long, and occasionally overheats. I love sitting at home, writing in large strokes, reading intensely, watching deeply, and diving uniquely into things.
Ever since I was little, I was told to stay home right after school and wait for my parents to come back. The way I killed time was by watching all kinds of documentaries borrowed from the provincial library next door, and all sorts of movies my dad and I bought at the computer mall. I rarely had contact with the world outside of home, and this overprotection directly led to a kind of emotional delay or late maturity.
But still, I was very curious about the outside world, and about people out there. The people at home made me afraid, but I still wanted to understand—why are they like this? Is there something I can do? If I try hard to understand them, would they stop being angry? How should I talk to them? Back then, I clearly felt that watching movies was a safe way to learn about the world and “people out there.” And I found that interesting.
Ages 6 to 12 seem to be the years when most kids learn how to interact with others, and it’s also a period of rapid brain development. My brain developed, but I didn’t interact with anyone. Not until I was almost done with elementary school did I slowly start talking to classmates, but even then, I was extremely slow to warm up. Compared to people in real life, I seemed to understand characters on screen better—their expressions, their motives (they’re usually internally consistent, while real people are not, which made it easy for me to understand fictional motives, but very hard to grasp those of actual humans).
So much so that when I entered middle school, I didn’t even know what I was supposed to say to classmates. So I talked about the plot of Final Destination in the cafeteria. Strangely enough, it was well-received—everyone listened with great interest.