People I Know

PART 8. People I Know

I got to become acquainted with all kinds of different people. First year of school, I lived in a dorm called Morrison Tower and they placed me on the fourth floor, which apparently was the “international” floor, because they had put everyone on that floor as part of a program. The program asks whether you’d be interested in getting to know people from abroad, and the international kids whether they want to participate when you sign up for dorms. I’m pretty sure I only checked it because I didn’t want to read what it was, but neither did I want to miss out on it despite not reading. 

Pretty much anyone living on that floor is either a language, East Asian studies, business, or engineering major. I shared a three-bed room with a local Ohioan named Laura, and So-young, who’s Korean but spent her life growing up in indonesia. Next door was my best friend Jisoo at the time, who’s been living in Ohio for a while. Down the hall, Wooseung, Luke and a few others always make jjajangmyeon past midnight. We’d stay up in the study room, but mostly not studying. Sometimes drinking, and RA Dom would always let it go. 

The first few months, I remember going out on most Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. There’s always a thing somewhere, a party, a meeting, a study, a rush event, a bar, a performance. We had this thing at Ohio State called “freshman forgiveness”, which meant you could fail three classes, retake them, without affecting your GPA. I used all three. My GPA after the first semester was 1.3+, which put me on probation. It would put me under some pressure, but not enough for me to stop spending time on all the other things that had nothing to do with grades. 

I went to a few bible studies, decided it wasn’t my thing. The Chinese student organizations were more or less reminding me of the exact things I ran all the way to Ohio from. I knew very little about other south-east Asian neighbors, so I kept an open mind. I tried to rush for a sorority, also not my thing. Freshman year, I tried everything. The things I didn’t want to try, and the things I did want to try, the things I don’t regret trying, and the things I do. I spent most of my time with people on my floor. I went to a few house parties, but I quickly realized it’s not possible for me to have any sensible conversations with anyone, so it became more of just a binge drinking to destress thing, and “oh my god, she did not” kind of gossip thing. 

Sophomore year, I decided to follow one thread I found my freshman year and declare psychology as a minor. After I finished all the minor classes, I realized i’d like to keep learning about all these brain abnormalities, and participate in debates involving weather serial killers are sane or not and therefore should be sentenced to the same standards as a sane person or not. Jeffrey Dahmer was indeed a very interesting case, in the way that the whole time he was serving the military, he didn’t commit a single murder. I wanted to know more about people, myself, and others. I also moved into a studio right off High Street, across from the Student Union. I started dancing, or more like, picking it up again. In retrospect, it’s a very random and seems out of place hobby, but I actually have a lot to say about this.

PART NINE

I am a shy person. But that’s if I like you and I care if you like me back or not. I’m a slow person. But only if I’m trying to get to know you, and would like to be comfortable around you. I realized, after all the clubbing and partying, that if I don’t know you, I really don’t care how you see me at all. 

I’d go to this club back then, which I believe was called Mosaik. I’m not sure what all the hype was all about, but some kids I knew were working there as bouncers. They’d ask for my ID, I’d only be able to pull out a South Tahoe High School student ID. My floormates would let me in anyways. I’d take the shots they hand me, down them, watch the girls dance with adult men that probably shouldn’t be there on a Thursday night. I’d be bored, sit on the side. I’d do it again, because everyone seems to be enjoying it. I went on and off until the end of freshman year. 

I didn’t have to binge drink, but I would always do. I wasn’t attracted to white guys, but I’d dance with them anyway. They didn’t know I was barely 18, and I didn’t have to know where they work. It became more or less a social experiment. Who are these people? I don’t know. How did I get here? I don’t know. When do I uber home? Oh, the girl I came with went home with some guy she just met. Let me uber home anyway, or should I just bus home? 

I’d get back to Morrison past midnight, cook instant ramen while worrying about gaining weight the following morning, then go to the study room, eat while chatting with whoever 's still in there. There’s always usually at least a familiar face or two. Whoevers up would be struggling with chemistry, or calculus. We’d chat about life, future, sometimes stay up until the sunrise.

PART TEN

Morrison tower was across from this really good pizza place called Adriatico's. We’d always pass by around lunch time, and get lured in by all the pizza smell. There were a few different choices in terms of food on campus, none of them I liked. I’d always go to Yau’s, Joy’s Village or Moy’s for lunch. Sometimes I got gyros. I like gyros. Other times I go to Buckeye Donuts. But not to get donuts, but to get egg ham and cheese croissant sandwiches. I was alone a lot. I was not used to being alone that much. 

I felt I was in a space I didn’t belong to. I was an outsider, an observer. I would engage, but I wouldn't be sure how to form deeper connections. I wasn’t sure how to get to know people without being intrusive. I wasn’t sure how to share. I still don’t know how to share. So much so that I have to write a blog about me, hi, it’s me, Sunny. There was always this sense of me being part of a movie that I was not a participant of, but an audience of. I was loomed with that sense of surrealness the whole time I was there. Nothing would make sense to me after spending a break at home in China, then nothing would make sense from home to me after being in Ohio for a while. I could feel a new identity of me forming, but I wasn’t sure what it was. I’m still not sure what it is. 

The year I spent in Morrison, I made friends with people who I still talk to, Wooseung who’s now working in Kuwait on some cool construction project, Sean who I almost saw in China, but didn’t get to anyway. Jisoo, whom I used to be very close to, I heard she has a cat, a dog and a boyfriend that looks like Jesus (her own words) now.  So-young who lived in Shanghai the same time as I did in 2016 - 2019, who was still married back then, who continued to stay in Shanghai after the divorce. Katrina, Anna, Amanda, Ian, etc, I saw some of them not too long ago.